2012 & the SOAS Soul Search

I broke a rule of mine today. I took a long, aimless, ambling walk down unknown streets of London with cold rain pelting down the story book like, red & brown  structures that gives the Queen's city its melancholic yet romantic character. 

3.44 pm, 1 January 2012. London reminded me of a beautiful, vulnerable, radiant bride, just after her first night. Her lonely streets, shying away from cold,  relentless raindrops, still wearing their beautiful, fairy-white new year décor, resembled this lovely bride of my imagination; involuntarily flaunting the natural blush of hungry love making from the night before, not yet out of her wedding finery;  keen to postpone her encounter with the sane, civilised world; just so she can live in this unforgettable, incomparable moment some more; live out every memory of the night that passed, the night that gave her stories & memories that nothing in the world had really prepared her for. She doesn't want to meet anyone today, anyone but her new, ravished & radiant self, even as she wraps herself around in the comfort of her arms. 

London's done this to me, just in case you are wondering what's happened to the cynical, caustic, sarcasm that I breathe and live. My decision to quit my media job to study at SOAS (which elucidated responses ranging from SAUCE, SOS, SOSS to simply dumbstruck nodding of heads amongst friends ) hadn't prepared me for this.

Sure I didn't have any illusions about 'indulging in the masterful, high minded study of international politics, global strategy & life altering international decisions' &  it's definitive impact on me. All I wanted, and now realise, needed, was a break from the monotony of being mature. 

3 years of college in Delhi, and 9 subsequent years of responsibility as a working woman, a committed journalist, and later, as a wife, somewhere buried the spirited, hopeful, optimistic, clumsy & impulsive girl that I was. 

I didn't want SOAS or Paul Robeson House (my student hall) to really alter any of that. The cynical, hardened, emotionally aloof & practical Archita Kashyap had sort of made life work for herself so far. She needed to come to SOAS, hopefully get suitable international exposure, churn her brain cells & thereby develop an alternate career. Period. Change of any other kind isn't welcome. 

But who would have known, that hope would make a comeback,  nearly impossible dreams would score big at the ticket counters & unattainable aspirations would themselves, make me aspire for a golden jubilee run for them at the box office! 

And this has happened thanks to the people I have met here. When I first checked into Paul Robeson House, my flatmate Shalini Sharma could sense my wariness & natural cynicism. She just smiled her benign smile, and said "SOAS grows on you." 

I figuratively smiled & internally, shook my head arrogantly. "No, it cant. Nothing can any more." 

The first thing to grow on me here was hope. And the special reasons triggering this was threesome. The first one, Arpita. A 22 year old, smart, pretty bundle of positive energy, she works with a Macbook Pro & studies religion here. She's profound without pretence. Who would have thought a Mumbai girl, growing up in the throes of competitive ambition, would choose to study religion & take a chance on her future? 

The second, Niharika. I still recall the wide eyed, beautiful child like girl who approached me at our scholarship's orientation, slightly sceptical about studying at SOAS but all the same, spirited. She  is a classic case of intelligence & creativity much beyond her years. It's a literary voice I will watch out for. But more than that, this girl, almost a decade younger than me, can sense my state of mind from a distance. She can assess it's flaws & deliberate mistakes, & she can read that which she knows I am likely to do. Basically, my reaction would probably be irrational, impulsive but exhilarating. And Niharika will tell me to take the plunge. And our relation strengthens with each new  risk & gamble- real or imagined- that we both take. 

Third, Sophie. My flatmate from China, cook par excellence, a SOAS version of Woody Allen, Sophie's life is humour in existence. But Sophie's choices- in terms of the suggestions that she gives you at any crucial turn of your life - is free of judgement & packed with wisdom. She will sense your trauma, ease it out of you, calm you & let you be. We might have gone to war with each other as nations, but as people, we live like sisters here. 

War brings me close to yet another friend (hopefully for life.) When my international theory lecture made me feel like Paris Hilton for the second time in a row, my eyes desperately roved to catch the face of any other Asian comrade. And they landed on the pensive, poetic face of Bilal Gilani. We spoke, hesitantly at first, and since then, have become buddies. Every minute spent with Bilal is an exercise in detachment & mental relaxation. For that, I am very thankful to him. 

And then comes the 'same-same soul' I have identified: Divya Iyer. Welcome week at SOAS suddenly brought me to a girl who looked very familiar from my undergraduate days in Hindu, reading a notice board intently. There she was, my batchmate from Hindu college, contemporary from the media, here at SOAS, in Paul Robeson House!  Funnily enough, she looked exactly like she did in college, 9 years ago, and that didn't inspire envy in me. (Which is not usually like me.)  We have hardly had time to catch up, but the one dinner we did together was all I needed to erase my wariness around her. At the end of our exhaustive list of worries over the oceans of theory & reading, I happened to mention to Divya "Your course seems tougher than mine. It's law after all."

She responded, with a sheepish smile, "I didn't actually realise it would be so much law." That is all it took for me to  realise, that here's a similar soul, with similar levels of application of rationality, logic & a like minded desire to try something new. Considering both of us were respectively doing 'International Politics' & 'Human Rights Law', we should have  known that we would swim in pools of indecipherable theory all this while. Since then, we have run into each other a couple of times, doing fun & crazy stuff  together. And it's been quite a rewarding time.

But the most extraordinary relation that I have developed here in SOAS is with Shalini Sharma. A meticulous, brilliant mind & a complete opposite of me as a person. I look for short cuts, frown upon theory, find academia pointless at most times & believe in dishonouring every 'moral' rule that Indian society, or society generally sets upon us. I spend 15 minutes to get dressed for a single lecture & tutorial at school, painting & highlighting my eyes with different shades. Shalini respects academic thought, actually works through her material & sincerely gives two hoots about how she dresses to college. Shalini writes poetry, I titter over Paris Hilton's tweets & find new names for her rat like dog. Shalini composes & sings Radha Bhajans & Naams, I sway my hips to sexually explicit but thumping tracks by Rihanna & Nicki Minaj while cooking. Shalini & I could literally be north & south pole in terms of our lifestyle & life choices. Yet, rarely have I met a person who assesses me, understands me & appreciates me more. Rarely have I seen a person who can complement a polar opposite so selflessly, reach out to her & actually tell her to be herself. Life in SOAS would be so much more complicated without the rock solid, sounding board that she has proven to be. And her lack of judgement of others teaches me a new liberating quality, one that I will try to cultivate. 

Add to that, the Botticelli painting like undergraduate boys who make conversation to you randomly, the superb gender bender Macbeth by Tanima & her team, & the endless surprises that people from so many parts of the world throw up at school; and SOAS has actually achieved something that I never fathomed would happen to me now. 

It has surprised me. It has left me with a sense of wonderment. It has made me believe that seeking unconditional happiness, seeking impossible loves or being impractical  for sheer joy can be so right. 

We study social sciences here. None of our academic choices will necesarily guarantee a high paying, air conditioned professional future. We will have to  seriously slog over every aspect of career building here. And all of us, (the people mentioned above) as well as those who I rub shoulders with at school, could have chosen the conventional career path, or had done it at some point of time. 

But then we all decided to shake off the rules of 'living life properly'. We took a long, patient look at the conventions of successful living, frowned a bit & wondered if we would like to try something slightly different. Something that won't give us security or interest (like mutual funds or postal savings), but something that might just open up a varied, more experimental, more tolerant world view. Somewhere, we all gambled when we chose SOAS. Somewhere, we all sought out like minded folks. And somewhere, we will find our personal rewards, each one personalised, customised & unforgettable, for the rest of our lives. 

This year, labelled by soothsayers as the year of social change & of protest, might bring us our chance. But more than that, this year at SOAS has brought me an opportunity to shun angst & unhappiness. It has made me believe that taking a chance on your future might just be very worth it!

A final mention, for my dear friend from my undergraduate years, Madhushruti. She's been around me, just like we were almost a decade ago, listening & communicating, even as I took my time to fall in love with London. And thanks to her, the eye make up just keeps the colour intact in my life:). 

So that's for the optimistic starting note to 2012. Let the year play out, and more from our random yet connected times & lives here in London will be put up in this space.