It's been a comforting trip back home to Assam that has allowed me some time off from work, from cyberspace and from a laptop. So the mind is functioning without fog. And the spirit is focused on the right path.
Before you think I have turned spiritual, I am actually writing about the one relationship our species hasn't yet been figured out.
Men and Women. Us and them.
Well, it's never been a very confusing or troublesome bond for me. All my life, men have made better friends. They are less complicated in their reactions. They grunt when they are watching tv. They are utterly lost when I serve them a 'matters of the heart' or 'a relationship' rant. Then they calm down, meditate. And then they ask, " what was that about? Are you upset?"
So its basically back to the pavilion. And I Never Ever have the energy to re do the rant.
However, as age and mental fatigue fast catches up with me, I am re assessing a few decisions I made about men in my life.
This time, on my flight back from Kolkata to Mumbai, I landed in a stuffy middle seat between a gentleman and a caveman.
The caveman snored and made other unpalatable noises throughout the flight, oblivious to social civility, with hair on his ears and other unsightly body parts quivering each time he heaved a massive breath. Occasionally, he pawed at himself to solve the 'itch'. But otherwise, as long I could muster up the courage to ignore him, I wasn't really intentionally disturbed.
The gentleman, on the other hand, seemed lonely. Someone who's had way too much responsibility, and just needs a conversation. Polite, offering to help me with my luggage, sweet to the air hostesses. But his intermittent efforts at conversations, along the lines of weather, pace of life in Mumbai, school fees etc just got basic replies from me. All this while, I thought of him just as another victim of Mumbai madness.
It took me a cab ride through meandering traffic home to realize that men in my life in the past have often made the transition from the gentleman to the caveman. A trajectory that I also, now in hindsight contributed to.
My college flame, a boy who just Never seemed to have money, flickered out very fast. I dragged that relationship for 3 whole years between bi weekly visits, whereI always picked up the tab, just to not hurt his feelings. I never let in much about myself to him. Perhaps, because, I wasn't at all committed to him.
But the pity ran out, when after my first job, he plonked into my apartment much to the dismay of me and my adorable flat mate. Then, he dropped out of his college. Then he lived off me. When enough was enough, I threw him out. He never mentioned repayment. So, when I was moving to Mumbai, I sold his second hand scrap bike.
Did I need the money? I think I just needed to spite him for a lifetime. And boy, did it work!!
Noteworthy, that some friends and my brother have never forgiven me for being 'mean'. Never mind, the non sense and freebeeing I had to put up with.
My second boyfriend, was simply, a boy wonder for me. I knew it wasn't headed anywhere. But this doe eyed man, with peripheral education and next to nothing ambition, was a wonderful, kind man. He loved me dearly, took care of me & also lived off me. But to be fair, this time for a few months, I offered to take care of him while he set shop. He also introduced me to a wonderful circle of his friends, with whom I spent some pleasurable time.
Its another matter that the 'living off' me piled up to an eye popping amount, and then I simply snapped. I couldn’t throw him out. But I drifted. Let me also mention that none of the men I met in Mumbai, had it in them to go beyond a week with me. But it was the freedom of single and financially, independent.
When I finally let go of the sweet ex, he became an obsessive lover, suddenly turning into Anthony Perkins from Psycho. Ironically, many women flung themselves on him, but he stuck to me, in between his pit stops of course.
By now, your mind has switched to the 'yuck, what a bitch' mode right? I carried on with other fellows while being in two relationships, and dumped both men unceremoniously.
Well, now comes the cavemen part. The first one, the college drop out, insisted that I turned uglier with progression with each year. And that, I was incapable of anything good.
The second one was possessive to the point of stalking me till 3 am while I was on shoot assignments, thereby disrupting my career. he also got jealous of my growing bond with his friends, and my minimal professional progress.
The one lesson I took from them is, never fall for a man out of kindness & never ever ever again, let them live off me.
Today, I am in a radically different position with men. I am finally committed to a real man. He loves me, and cares for me, but doesn't lose his head over me. He also takes responsibility of our future. And he gives me space.
It took me many run ins with potential mates & two oscillating relationships to get Abhishek. Is there temptation now? Where there are men and women, there's always temptation. Question is, I don't fall for it anymore.
Because what I come home to, is worth many zillions more. I just hope we build that common dream of ours eventually.
Before you think I have turned spiritual, I am actually writing about the one relationship our species hasn't yet been figured out.
Men and Women. Us and them.
Well, it's never been a very confusing or troublesome bond for me. All my life, men have made better friends. They are less complicated in their reactions. They grunt when they are watching tv. They are utterly lost when I serve them a 'matters of the heart' or 'a relationship' rant. Then they calm down, meditate. And then they ask, " what was that about? Are you upset?"
So its basically back to the pavilion. And I Never Ever have the energy to re do the rant.
However, as age and mental fatigue fast catches up with me, I am re assessing a few decisions I made about men in my life.
This time, on my flight back from Kolkata to Mumbai, I landed in a stuffy middle seat between a gentleman and a caveman.
The caveman snored and made other unpalatable noises throughout the flight, oblivious to social civility, with hair on his ears and other unsightly body parts quivering each time he heaved a massive breath. Occasionally, he pawed at himself to solve the 'itch'. But otherwise, as long I could muster up the courage to ignore him, I wasn't really intentionally disturbed.
The gentleman, on the other hand, seemed lonely. Someone who's had way too much responsibility, and just needs a conversation. Polite, offering to help me with my luggage, sweet to the air hostesses. But his intermittent efforts at conversations, along the lines of weather, pace of life in Mumbai, school fees etc just got basic replies from me. All this while, I thought of him just as another victim of Mumbai madness.
It took me a cab ride through meandering traffic home to realize that men in my life in the past have often made the transition from the gentleman to the caveman. A trajectory that I also, now in hindsight contributed to.
My college flame, a boy who just Never seemed to have money, flickered out very fast. I dragged that relationship for 3 whole years between bi weekly visits, whereI always picked up the tab, just to not hurt his feelings. I never let in much about myself to him. Perhaps, because, I wasn't at all committed to him.
But the pity ran out, when after my first job, he plonked into my apartment much to the dismay of me and my adorable flat mate. Then, he dropped out of his college. Then he lived off me. When enough was enough, I threw him out. He never mentioned repayment. So, when I was moving to Mumbai, I sold his second hand scrap bike.
Did I need the money? I think I just needed to spite him for a lifetime. And boy, did it work!!
Noteworthy, that some friends and my brother have never forgiven me for being 'mean'. Never mind, the non sense and freebeeing I had to put up with.
My second boyfriend, was simply, a boy wonder for me. I knew it wasn't headed anywhere. But this doe eyed man, with peripheral education and next to nothing ambition, was a wonderful, kind man. He loved me dearly, took care of me & also lived off me. But to be fair, this time for a few months, I offered to take care of him while he set shop. He also introduced me to a wonderful circle of his friends, with whom I spent some pleasurable time.
Its another matter that the 'living off' me piled up to an eye popping amount, and then I simply snapped. I couldn’t throw him out. But I drifted. Let me also mention that none of the men I met in Mumbai, had it in them to go beyond a week with me. But it was the freedom of single and financially, independent.
When I finally let go of the sweet ex, he became an obsessive lover, suddenly turning into Anthony Perkins from Psycho. Ironically, many women flung themselves on him, but he stuck to me, in between his pit stops of course.
By now, your mind has switched to the 'yuck, what a bitch' mode right? I carried on with other fellows while being in two relationships, and dumped both men unceremoniously.
Well, now comes the cavemen part. The first one, the college drop out, insisted that I turned uglier with progression with each year. And that, I was incapable of anything good.
The second one was possessive to the point of stalking me till 3 am while I was on shoot assignments, thereby disrupting my career. he also got jealous of my growing bond with his friends, and my minimal professional progress.
The one lesson I took from them is, never fall for a man out of kindness & never ever ever again, let them live off me.
Today, I am in a radically different position with men. I am finally committed to a real man. He loves me, and cares for me, but doesn't lose his head over me. He also takes responsibility of our future. And he gives me space.
It took me many run ins with potential mates & two oscillating relationships to get Abhishek. Is there temptation now? Where there are men and women, there's always temptation. Question is, I don't fall for it anymore.
Because what I come home to, is worth many zillions more. I just hope we build that common dream of ours eventually.
Wow girl you sold his bike .. thats cool .. Am happy for ya ...and yes we all have our share of cavemen and freebies nonsense .. and SPACE is so important , I could kill for my space ...great post ...
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